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Friday, February 08, 2008

Divorce

Well the title says it all. This is why I've been asking for prayers. I found out on Christmas Eve that my husband was cheating on me and that he wanted a seperation. For the last month it has just gotten worse and worse between us and we are now getting a divorce.

The last few days since he's told me he's moving out this weekend we've been getting along better and actually talking about things but divorce is the last thing I want. He does not share my same feelings and no matter what is going to divorce me. I don't think that divorce is right and we could have worked it out in marriage counseling but he did not want to try and there is nothing I can do about that.

I am trying to move on with my life for me and Asha. The hardest part about this all is the promise that is getting broken to Asha's birthmother. She trusted us to give Asha a good stable home and now we have failed her. I am going to do my best to give Asha a good stable home but if her birthmother wanted her to be raised by a single mother she would have kept her.

I am feeling terribly guilty about it even though it's not my fault. I am not the one who cheated and is walking away from my family but I just feel so bad for what it might do to Asha's birthmother. I do feel she has a right to know especially since we are so close. She is like the sister I never had. I just don't ever want her to doubt her decision to place Asha with us.

It's been a really hard month and I'm hoping once my husband and Dakota are moved out that I will be able to move on and be strong for Asha.

Thank you all for your prayers and please keep them coming because I need to find a job to help support Asha and I and I'm sure I will still have hard days. I could use all the prayers and good thoughts I can get.

7 comments:

Heather.PNR said...

I am so very, very sorry. What a terrible thing to be going through under any circumstances, and the adoption just makes it that much more complex.

You and Asha and her birthmom will be in my prayers.

Mindy said...

Hey friend,

I'm guilty of not checking in for a while. No good excuse on my part.

I'm so sorry to hear that Dakota is moving as well...I thought that he was staying??? But you also know that I'm sorry about the rest of this whole thing, too. I'll be praying for you as you try to find a way to tell Mama D and I'll pray that her heart can be receptive as she will undoubtedly grieve with you.

I wish we could all be geographically closer to you right now to be a more tangible support system.

Love you and email any time.

L L (skyangel) said...

I am so sorry to hear this news! You all will be in my prayers, You, Dakota, Asha, the birthmom and even your husband. God Bless!

Pep said...

Mandy - (((hugs)))

I am going to try to call you this weekend, ok?

PS ....I was tagged, now you are, too! Check out my blog!
You're it, girl!!!

Love, Pep

Aves @ Call of the Phoebe said...

OMG...I am so sorry...........

If i can do anything, and I mean it, please let me know. This explain to me why you didn't seem to be "yourself" when I saw you at Walmart in December.

Aves

Muskie Mom said...

I'm so sorry. You and Asha will be ok and will make it. You will find a way to talk to her birthmom. You will be in my prayers.

Anne said...

Mandie, I am so, so sorry you're having to go through this. You'll be in my thoughts -- lots of hugs to you, the kids, and Asha's birthmom. Divorce just up-ends your entire world -- and it takes time to get your equilibrium back. Please take good care of yourself.

Again, I'm so sorry.