Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Thank You!!

Thank you for the comments on my last post. It did get better after a 2 hour temper tantrum. They are actually more like rages and at one point I laid her on the ground and straddled her so she couldn't kick me anymore and just talked to her calmly asking what she wanted and letting her know that I love her but couldn't help her if she wouldn't stop crying. Of course she didn't stop and I ended up putting her to bed where she cried for another half hour 45 minutes and once I heard her quiet down I went in and sat on her rocking chair and asked if she wanted me to rock her. She didn't but she had stopped crying and wanted jello so I got her some. She was fine until I asked her if she wanted to go to the old house with me so I could get the rest of my clothes and then she lost it again. I called my mother in law to see if she could watch her so I could go alone. My mother in law said to bring her up and she would try to help me calm her down so maybe she could go with me. It worked and Asha was fine the rest of the night. I even got to go to my meeting and she was good through the whole thing.

We ended up having a really nice night. We went out to eat at a little restaurant in our old town and she ate really well and was her old silly happy self. I just wish she could be like that right away after I pick her up so we could go and do some fun stuff together instead of fighting for an hour to 2 hours every day. She did want to cuddle as soon as we got home and at the meeting she was on my lap the whole time but she was good and not screaming so it was fine. I love love love to cuddle with her but most of the time I can't even go to the bathroom without it causing a tantrum. It's just so hard and I'm on pins and needles with her for those few hours after we get home not wanting to do anything to upset her.

You are all wonderful for the support and I am going to check out that other blog Angel thank you for that.

Aves I will be contacting you once we are all settled in for a playdate. I would love to take Asha to that park over the river and I think Shell would like to go with us too.

Mindy you are so wonderful to pray for us and it is greatly appreciated. Days like today we really needed them.

Love you all and thanks for helping us out.

I Want To Cry!!

This has all been so hard on Asha. For the most part she is doing well but I think the move has done her in. She is still confused and when we leave our new place to go anywhere she asks if we are going home and I have to tell her that this is our home now. There are days she cries when we come here because she wants the other house. I was supposed to go back today and get some more stuff and do a little more cleaning but I'm scared of what it will do to her.

She has been crying now for an hour straight and it doesn't seem like she's going to stop. There has just been too much change her in life in such a short time and she's kind of snapped now. Since she came back from her dad's house on Sunday she's been so clingy and whiney and crying ALOT and I can't do anything because I have to hold her constantly or she just won't stop crying. She has been crying for about 45 minutes before school every morning and atleast an hour after I pick her up. She doesn't like to go to school and just wants me all the time and I just can't give her me all the time. She's in her room right now throwing a massive temper tantrum and nothing I say or do helps. I hate this that she is so miserable and there is nothing I can do.

I had to cancel my dr. appointment for this afternoon because she just won't stop crying and throwing these horrible tantrums. I can't even pick her up off the floor without getting kicked and pumeled by her. I have a meeting tonight that I have to miss for the second week in a row because she will just scream the whole time like she has the last few times I've gone.

I miss her so much when I'm at work but it's to the point I'm afraid to pick her up because I don't want to put up with this anymore. I want to be able to come home and take her on walks or go to the park and we can't do anything because she just screams, cries and throws tantrums for atleast an hour. It is so hard and I am so tired.

Sorry to dump but doesn't anyone have any suggestions. Time outs don't work anymore because she refuses to sit and if I try to hold her she just kicks me and I've tried to ignore her but then she grabs my clothes and pulls on me and kicks me. Where did my sweet girl go? Oh yeah she left when her daddy left.

That is the suckiest part is I still have to suffer the consequences of his actions and he doesn't have to deal with them at all.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

We are Still Here!!

Moving is so tiring especially when you do the bulk of it on your own. I had a few guy friends who were able to help me out on Saturday morning and my wonderful father in law put my bed together while my mother in law distracted me for a while in her apartment. If I haven't told you before I am living in the same building as my in laws. I know people are probably cringing at that but they are wonderful and I think I am really going to like it. My mother in law just called me a little while ago to make sure Asha and I were home and safe. I had to pick Asha and her brother up from her dad's this afternoon so she just wanted to make sure we made it home safe and sound.

Anyway I got off topic there but my father in law came and put my bed together which is insanely heavy and rearranged my living room for me and carried in the last cabinet all by himself all in like half an hour. All those things would have taken me all day to do. It helped so much and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. I hope I never loose them which could happen with the divorce. They are the only family I have and I love them so much!!

I should be unpacking the office right now but instead I am updating all of you. We are loving the new place alot and Asha seems very comfortable here. I made sure to have her room all ready for her and the house is pretty much together. The office turned into the catch all room so that will take some time but other than that we are ready to start our new lives together. I love it when Asha says this is mommy and Asha's house. The other place there was too much of a connection with her dad but this place is just ours and it sounds good to hear that it is just our place.

I am having so much fun putting things where I want and not having to debate with someone about where things should go. I know I've said that before but it is just so freeing to be able to make decisions on your own and not have to worry about someone else's opinion.

I did get irritated on Friday because my soon to be ex husband tried to help by bringing a few things for me and I just didn't like that he put things where he "thought" they should go. I didn't want his opinion in anything having to do with my new place and even though he was trying to help I just wanted it to be all me and my decision. He also brought some things that I wasn't planning on keeping so it made a little more work for me because I had to take it back to the other house.

Well I have work tomorrow and I should get to bed. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying wonderful weather. This weekend here was gorgeous and I can't wait for more days like today.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

No Pics Again Sorry!!

I have been really bad lately about not posting pictures. We've just been so busy that I haven't found the time to even pick up the camera plus Asha has been sick and not much in the mood to pose for me.

I promise as soon as she is feeling better and our life slows down a little I will get back to taking pictures and posting them.

Our life should slow down after next week. I am loving my job and they love me and have chosen to give me the morning shift from 8 to 1. It will be so nice to have the afternoon with Asha and time to actually plan and cook a meal instead of the rush rush meals I've been doing these last few weeks. I think it will be a nicer slower pace for both of us to not have to break up our day with me going to work and then picking her up from day care and having to run to gymnastics and my Tuesday night meeting.

Moving is going well. I took another load over today and got almost every thing I had over there unpacked and started to assemble the desk I bought for my computer. I am taking another load over tomorrow after church and then will unpack that right away and work on the desk some more. My new hours will also give me lots of time in the afternoon to load up my van for the next day and give me time to unload and unpack. We will be all moved in by next Saturday. We are really liking it there and Asha didn't want to leave tonight. I wish I would have had my camera because her 2 cousins were over at my in laws house so the girls both came down and played with Asha while I unpacked. Asha had so much fun and it's really going to be nice that she gets to see her cousins more often.

Well I've got more packing to do or maybe I'll head to be. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!

Monday, April 07, 2008

It's Amazing!!

I am actually having so much fun packing. I have always hated to move but this move isn't that bad. I am moving somewhere that Asha and I can make new memories for just us and I will be able to decorate any way I want. I can even pack how I want. I never realized how many things I wanted to do that I couldn't do when I was married.

There were so many things that I wanted to do but were made to feel were wrong or told that I was doing it wrong. Packing was always a nightmare because I guess I never did it right and would have to listen to that the whole time I was packing.

I was never allowed to put too many pictures on the walls or shelves because they would look cluttered but I love pictures and I love to see my girl all over and now I can. I was never allowed to have too many things on the counter in the kitchen because it would look cluttered and now I can have whatever I want on the counters. It will be my house and I can decorate however I want. I could make everything purple if I wanted to and there is no one to tell me I can't. It is an AMAZING feeling!!!

The apartment will be mine all mine and I can do what I want. I haven't had the feeling in almost 11 1/2 years. That feeling of being pushed down and held down is gone and I feel so light and free. I can be me again. I forgot who that was for soooo many years and I am finding me again and I actually like her. She has grown and matured and I really like her. I haven't liked her for close to 9 years now and it's nice to actually like myself. It's a new feeling one that I have NEVER had before in my whole life.

Life is good and I am enjoying it so much!! Thank you everyone for your support and wonderful comments!! Love ya!!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

We're Moving!

Apparently I've used this title before but we are indeed moving again. I can't afford our house and since we are trying to sell it and no one has even looked at it yet I am going to move out and let my soon to be ex husband rent it until it sells. This way I will be able to save up some money and hopefully in 2 years move back to this wonderful little town and buy a nice little house for me and Asha.

For now I have to move us about 20 minutes away because the rent is cheaper and there are more places to choose from. The funny part is is that we are moving into J's (husband) apartment that he is moving out of. I thought this best because Asha has been there and she is familiar with it so it won't be such a big change for her. Plus my in laws live in the same building and Asha will love having her grandma and papa so close. They also watch their other grand daughter alot so the girls can play more than they get to now. They are less than a year apart in age so they have so much fun together.

It is a nice 3 bedroom apartment in a 4 plex. It has a garage, a patio, washer/dryer hookups, and a nice little side yard for Asha to play. Everything is included in the rent except electric and then of course cable and internet but it will really help me to save some money. My goal is to get us back to this town in time for Asha to start school. It is one of the best schools in the state and I really want her to go here.

I am excited but it is going to be a busy few weeks. We are moving in a week and a half but I am slowly taking boxes of stuff over since J isn't living there now. He will have all of his stuff out this coming weekend and I get to move in the next weekend. My biggest worry is where to fit everything. I am taking a house full of stuff and trying to fit it into an apartment. It should be cozy that's for sure. Thankfully it has a garage that I can store stuff in I just might have to park outside which isn't the end of the world.

Wish me luck ladies but it should be a great new start to my great new life. Asha's too because that girl is my life and everything I do is obviously for her.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

First Time At Day Care

Well Asha is attending her very first day care and it is an amazing facility. It kills me to have to leave her but leaving her in such a wonderful place does make it alot easier.

Asha is attending day care because I got myself a part time job. I may also get another part time job if a friend of mine needs me to do the books for her business.

Asha is doing pretty well with the whole day care thing but has been more clingy and even had to sleep with me last night. She kept waking up crying for me and she was like that most of last night too. She couldn't bare to be away from me. I hope tonight is better.

She does get upset when I have to leave and they have to peel her off of me but by the time I pick her up she is having a great time and talks about day care all night. She does have alot of fun and it's more of a school situation than a day care. They have a curriculum and she gets report cards twice a year and they have parent teacher conferences. I am so impressed with this place that I tell everyone I can about it.

She only goes for 5 hours a day so it's not that bad and since she does have so much fun that makes it easier to leave her. If I picked her up and she had been crying or just couldn't wait to leave then I would be worried and it would be alot harder to leave her there.

So to wrap up we are doing well and keeping VERY busy. We have something going on almost every day after work and day care so I apologize if I don't blog much especially with summer coming. I will try but I can't gurantee much.