Happy Birthday To Me & I'm Sorry!!

Sorry for the bummer post last Friday. I was feeling lonely but I am back to being happy. I just have my moments and it helps to blog about it.

I actually feel VERY blessed. I wasn't expecting my birthday to be much of anything this year since my husband was the one to always do something for me but it is turning out to be a really good few days. My birthday is on Saturday but Friday I am taking my stepson Dakota and Asha out to eat with me to my favorite Chinese restaurant with birthday cake after at my in-laws house plus I have a job interview that day. Then on Saturday on my actual birthday I am going to meet up with the friend that we are going to Florida with and she got us tickets to the play her husband is in and we are going out to eat prior to the play and then OF COURSE don't forget that I get to spend a week in Florida!!!!!!!

This is looking to be my best birthday EVER!! So when I get down and do posts like I did on Friday it's just a moment I'm having and thankfully I can get back to being happy and enjoying Asha because I really am blessed!!!

I will post pictures of Asha later tonight this is of course her blog!! LOL

Weekends Are Hard!!

Weekends are so hard for me. That was always the time for planning family things to do and now it's just me and Asha. It is really very sad for me and I can't wait for the week to start. I spend all week alone with her and I always looked forward to my husband coming home and having adult conversation.

Friday used to be my favorite day of the week and now I dread it. It's so easy to keep busy during the week but the weekends everyone has family things to do. I feel so lonely. I miss the family time and just doing things with my family even if it was watching a movie atleast we were together. I never had a real good family growing up and we didn't do family things very often so I cherished our family time together.

I loved to watch my husband sleep on the couch while the football game was on, I loved making special treats for him and Dakota, I even loved folding his laundry. There are so many things I miss about having a family.

I hope you are all cherishing yours this weekend because I miss mine.

Mamma D

Well Mamma D e-mailed me back and she is being so wonderful about the whole divorce thing. She said there is no need to apologize, which I did alot of, because she knows we didn't intend on this happening when we adopted Asha. She still loves us all and knows that we will be good parents to Asha. She is so wonderful and so understanding. She said she's not mad at us and that she has no reason to be mad. She said she was confused at first and didn't see it coming. Well no one did including me so I'm happy that I wasn't the only one in the dark.

I also have been e-mailing back and forth with her discussing stopping and seeing her and the kids on our way back from Orlando. My wonderful friend said it was no problem to stop and see them and she's actually excited to meet Mamma D. I hope we can make it all work out and meet at a park so the kids can play and we can visit for a few hours. I wish we had more time than a few hours but we all need to get home too. We will be gone for a week and my cat will need me and my friend's family will definately need her. I think by then Asha will be ready for home too.

On the moving front I still have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not having any luck finding a job in either places or a place to live down by my friend. I'm just scared and don't want to uproot Asha and then mess up or fail and take her with me. I really like where we live but I'm not having any luck finding a job here and it's 3 to 3 1/2 hours from where Asha's dad is moving so that makes it harder on everyone when it comes to visitation. I want all of this to affect Asha as little as possible so if we stay here she has to travel every other weekend 6 to 7 hours. All because her dad moved so far away. I am trying to put my faith in God and let him lead me where I need to go but I am a planner and I'm having a hard time Letting Go and Letting God. I need my life to be settled for my sake and Asha's.

I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts. You are all so wonderful to care about me and Asha.

Florida Here We Come!!

I'm soooooooooooooooooo excited!!! A friend of mine has a daughter who auditioned to work at Disney World as one of the characters and she got hired. They are moving her down in a few weeks and have invited Asha and I to come with. My friend doesn't want to drive down by herself since her daughter will be in her own car and my friend is taking her son with who is Asha's age so they can play together. It is going to be sooooooooo much fun!! We get to go to Disney World!!!!!!!!!! I haven't been there since I was probably 9 or 10 I think.

March looks like it's going to be a great month!! I will make sure that I take LOTS of pictures and I will definately share them.

I haven't talked to my friend yet but I am hoping that on the way home we can stop and see Asha's birthmom if at all possible. Just a few hours to spend with her would be nice and for her to see Asha as well.

I just had to share the good news for the day!!!!!

Gymnastics and Other Stuff

Asha and I are doing good. I am throwing around the idea of moving. We will still be in WI but moving a few hours away. A friend of mine really wants me to move down by her and it would take me closer to where I was born and my family so I am really thinking about it. It would also put Asha closer to more African American children which she doesn't have much of in our small town.


I must brag about my girl. She is AMAZING at gymnastics. I wish you all could watch her because she amazes her coach who has been doing this for probably over 10 years. She learned how to do a forward roll after only being shown twice, she did so well on the balance beam that they put down bean bags for her to practice stepping over and she did so well on that that they had her jumping over the bean bags and she didn't even fall off. They couldn't believe her balance. They also raised the bar so she could practice jumping up and flipping since she was doing so well just flipping.

Here she is before class starts just running around and being silly. She likes to copy the older girls who have a class the same time she does.

Here she is supposed to practicing keeping her legs straight. She loves the bars.

Asha is doing pretty well potty training now. She is a stinker though and won't go poo on the potty. She will literally get up off the potty and put her pullup back on and go in it so she knows when she has to go but will not do it in the potty. Any suggestions???

Here are some more pictures of my girl!! Gosh I do love her!!

Another fashion statement from my girl. She really does come up with some interesting outfits.

I love this picture. I got it tonight when she was laying on the couch by me. My camera loves her too.

I love this outfit on her. I had it on her today so I had to snap a picture. I got the shawl for a really good deal. I just couldn't pass it up. She just looks so good in it.

I will try to be better about updating more often. If I am moving though it may be a while because I will need to pack and there is ALOT to pack. I will keep you all updated though on how we are doing and when/if we are moving. THANKS for being supportive of us and offering prayers.

Doing Pretty Good!!

This has been a pretty good week for me. I'm doing better than I thought I would be and I'm really enjoying the time alone with Asha. It's nice to be able to come and go as I please and not have to worry about anyone but me and Asha. I am actually enjoying the freedom I have. I can decorate the house any way I want, I can make what I want for supper, I can watch what I want to watch on tv and the house stays clean alot longer with just the 2 of us. It really has been nice around here this week.


Here are some pictures I've taken of Asha in the last week.

Asha loves to wear her sunglasses on her head. I don't know where she got this from because we don't do that with our glasses.

I love this coy little look she is giving me. She has started to run from me when I get the camera out and when I do actually catch her she tends to give me alot of coy looks.

Here's another look she likes to give me now. She really had lots of fun outside. It took her a while to come out of the garage and play but once she did she didn't want to go back inside.

She is definately my outdoors girl. She loves to be outside and I can't wait for Spring/Summer to roll around so we can go walking again.

Your thoughts and prayers are all so appreciated. I didn't mean for Asha's blog to get depressing but we are doing good and really enjoying eachother. We've actually been staying VERY busy which helps too.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

Thank You!!

I just want to thank you all for the well wishes and the encouragement. I'm actually ALOT better than I was a month ago. Don't get me wrong it is still VERY hard but I'm not an emotional mess like I was. This weekend was hard because Asha spent the night at her dad's house. I was supposed to go out with some friends but the weather got too bad and I didn't want to drive in it so I was all alone at home. I did better than I thought I would but I really missed my little girl.

It was so good to see her when she got home today and she gave me the biggest cuddle/hug. She was very clingy all night and we cuddled on the couch more than normal. She sat with me for atleast an hour and she is a very busy girl and doesn't usually sit that much. She kept asking where her new house was and I had to tell her that this is our house and daddy and brother have a new house that she gets to go and visit.

It's so hard to have to tell that sweet little face such sad news. I never want to make her sad but she does miss her dad and brother and there's nothing I can do about it. She is confused and I know this week is going to be hard on her because she's never gone such a long time without seeing her brother. She is going to be waiting for him to come home from school every day like normal but he's never going to come home. She probably won't see him again now until Friday when I pick him up for an over nighter.

She's already regressed a little in her potty training. She didn't go at all at Josh's house and after he brought her home it took me probably 2 hours to get her to sit on her potty. It just may be too much for her right now which is a shame because she was doing so well this week.

I am trying to hold it together for her. I don't want her to see me cry anymore and to be sad. I am trying to just go day by day and enjoy her.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers they are GREATLY appreciated.

Divorce

Well the title says it all. This is why I've been asking for prayers. I found out on Christmas Eve that my husband was cheating on me and that he wanted a seperation. For the last month it has just gotten worse and worse between us and we are now getting a divorce.

The last few days since he's told me he's moving out this weekend we've been getting along better and actually talking about things but divorce is the last thing I want. He does not share my same feelings and no matter what is going to divorce me. I don't think that divorce is right and we could have worked it out in marriage counseling but he did not want to try and there is nothing I can do about that.

I am trying to move on with my life for me and Asha. The hardest part about this all is the promise that is getting broken to Asha's birthmother. She trusted us to give Asha a good stable home and now we have failed her. I am going to do my best to give Asha a good stable home but if her birthmother wanted her to be raised by a single mother she would have kept her.

I am feeling terribly guilty about it even though it's not my fault. I am not the one who cheated and is walking away from my family but I just feel so bad for what it might do to Asha's birthmother. I do feel she has a right to know especially since we are so close. She is like the sister I never had. I just don't ever want her to doubt her decision to place Asha with us.

It's been a really hard month and I'm hoping once my husband and Dakota are moved out that I will be able to move on and be strong for Asha.

Thank you all for your prayers and please keep them coming because I need to find a job to help support Asha and I and I'm sure I will still have hard days. I could use all the prayers and good thoughts I can get.

Still Rough Around Here

Life has not improved much in the last month. It's been really hard around here especially in the last week. I am hanging in there but it's just going to get worse. I'm sure you are all wondering what is going on but I just can't say right now. There are people who can't know yet and I don't know who all really reads my blog. Just know that I still need your continued prayers for my life to take a turn for the better because most days it's been pretty unbearable. Also please pray for the kids because this is really going to affect them and probably not very well. There little lives are about to get turned upside down and I'm doing everything I can to stop it but I don't think I'm going to be successful.


Well on a happier note here are some pictures of Asha from the last few weeks.

Here she is all bundeld up to go sledding. She loved sledding and laughed and screamed all the way down.

Close up of my girl all bundled up. She is just so darn cute!!

Here is Asha's latest fashion statement. We are still trying to potty train and I thought undies would help convince her to go on the potty so she is wearing her winter boots with her undies. She is sooo silly.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, keep them coming.

Nearly Scared Me To Death!!

I lost Asha today. That is the scariest feeling in the world. I was cleaning the kitchen and realized that it was just way too quiet. You mom's know what that means, the kids are doing something they aren't supposed to be doing. So I go searching the house for her and can't find her anywhere. Her new favorite thing to do is go and play downstairs so I am constantly going up and down the stairs to check on her. I checked everywhere even places I know she won't go. She isn't answering me (she's been kind of sassy lately) and I start to freak out. I finally go back into my bedroom and hear her giggling. I thought she was hiding in a corner or something. Nope she is under my bed with her flashlight playing and watching the light.

Crazy kid. I had to laugh but wow did that take a few years off of my life.

Pictures!

I'm just hanging in there right now so all I have the energy for is pictures. My life is pretty rough and stressful right now and I really do appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I don't see my life getting any better any time soon so pictures may be all you get for a while. I'm sure that's all you come here for anyway. I don't blame you my girl is beautiful. :)

They just love eachother so much. I could post a million pictures like this because they are always together.Dakota took this one with his camera at gymnastics. He really does love his sister ALOT!! He did a really good job too. You'll have to forgive the very ugly couch and just concentrate on the pretty little girl sitting on it.

Still trying to potty train and apparently this is what she thinks it's for. No actually she does sit on it just won't go on it. She gets up right before she has to go and pees on the floor. I just don't know what to do about that.

I don't know if you can really see it but I love her hair like this. It's called a twist out and only lasts one day. This happens when I take her twists out (hence the term twist out) and she gets these wavy kind of curls in her hair.

I know you are all probably curious as to what's been going on at home and someday I will share with you but I just can't right now. It's painful and just hurts too bad to talk about most days. I'm also not real sure who reads this blog and there are people we don't want to know right now. Someday I will share but it may not be for a while. Until then please keep praying for me and my family because we REALLY do need it especially in the coming months. THANKS!!

Gymnastics

Asha has started the first session of the year for gymnastics and she is doing so well again. This class only has one other little girl Asha's age so they get alot of attention and the two girls get along really well too. Asha is just catching on to things so fast this time around and keeps amazing me and her coach. She has so much fun and enjoys it so much that I am happy we put her in it. With everything that's going on I hope we can continue to take her to her classes.

Here are some pictures of her from class tonight. Since my husband bought me the new camera I get some great pictures of her in class now.She had just realized I was standing there taking pictures of her. Silly girl.

This is her concentrating very hard on not falling off the balance beam. This beam is a little ways off the ground and she was the only one to make it all the way down the beam. This is her stretching before class. They let the kids run around for a while before class begins and there is a class of older kids at the same time as Asha so she likes to copy the older kids. Here she is on the lower balance beam. This one she just glides across with no help at all.

I am just so proud of her. She is getting to be so big. She is going to be 3 in a few months and I just don't know where the last 3 years have gone. Where is my little pudgy baby who used to cuddle with me?

Thanks again ladies for all of your well wishes and prayers. I can still use them so I appreciate them all.

Still Here

I'm still here just haven't been up to blogging. I am still dealing with alot of tough stuff at home but thought I would come on and post some pictures from the last month or so. I see that alot of people have been checking the blog and I don't want to abandon anyone so here are some pictures of my girl.

My husband bought me a new camera and I love the quality of the pictures. Here's Asha and her friend Minta opening their Christmas presents from eachother. They are just so darn cute together. When they hug they both do the lean instead of wrapping their arms around eachother so it always looks so funny.Here is Asha on Christmas Eve. She really made out in the present area like usual. She wanted every present completely open and out of the boxes before she would move on to the next gift. She did really well this year though and had alot of fun.

This is how Asha celebrated New Years Eve. We went to my in laws house and they had Asha's cousin and another little girl there for her to play with so she had a blast. She spent alot of time on this horse and it was so cute because she was wearing he cowgirl boots too.

I will try to get back to blogging more it just depends on how I'm doing from day to day. Life is pretty hard right now and I am trying to take it minute by minute when most days I just want to curl up and sleep my life away.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!!

Serious Stuff

I'm going through some tough times right now and may not be blogging as much. If it seems to help or is theraputic I may do it but right now it is taking everything in me to breath and make it through the day so I probably will not be blogging much in the next few weeks at least.

Sorry to all of you who love to read about Asha and her antics but I really need some me time right now and I need to figure out where my life is headed.

I hope I don't loose you all so check back some time later this month to see if I'm back.

THANKS!!

Brother And Sister!!

I am an only child so I have no idea what it's like to have siblings, but it really warms my heart to see Asha and her brother get along so well. I've seen sibling relationships that are horrible and have heard so many horror stories that I really hope Asha and Dakota can skip past all of that.

These pictures were from tonight. Dakota was playing cards at the table and Asha was "helping" and he didn't get mad or anything. He is so patient with her and shows her so much love. There are so many times he should have lost his cool with her but he never does.

She asks at least once during the day where her brother is and knows as soon as he opens the door that it's him coming home from school. She runs up and says hi. Yesterday she even said "I'm so happy your here". He was so happy and so shocked that those big girl words came out of her mouth. He had to come and tell me and he was beaming with love.

They both just make my heart burst with love.

Saint Nick and Snow

We celebrate Saint Nicolaus Day on December 6th. Some people do and some people don't but that was one tradition I had as a child so we have carried it along for our children. Asha of course loves it because she gets her VERY big stocking full of treats and toys.


She would pull one thing out and want to play with it or eat it and I had to keep encouraging her to dig deeper. We did mostly toys this year instead of candy since we have been doing Santa Mail with them and they get candy in there. Santa Mail is a mailbox with Santa painted on the side that I had picked up at a store and we use that to count down the 25 days until Christmas. I buy little toys and candy and put it in each of their mail pouches and then they check it every day. They then put a sticker on a calendar I made for the month of December. They really love it alot.

Here is Asha with some of her loot. She really made out pretty well. She got jewelry, books, a butterfly lantern and some candy.

I also wanted to share the funniest thing about her and snow. Like I've said she doesn't like snow at all so her new thing is to ask me at least once a day "Where's the grass?" I think that is her way of saying she really wants the snow to go away. We keep telling her it's under the snow and all she says is "oh" but she sounds so sad when she says it. I think it's going to be a long winter for her if we can't get her interested in playing in the snow.

Hope everyone is prepared for Christmas because it is coming FAST!!

Decorating Is So Much Fun!!

We had a busy weekend cutting down our Christmas tree and decorating it and the house. It's our tradition that we cut our own tree down and Dakota has been doing it all by himself for the last few years. Asha wasn't real impressed and didn't really like the snow on her face. She is pretty smart though and has figured out that her hat is big enough that she can pull it over her face and the snow won't get her then.

She didn't help much in the tree picking out department with her hat over her face. It's nice that she does this though because she hates scarves so atleast there's something covering her face that doesn't bother her.

Sunday we decorated the tree and the house. She did really well and loved putting the ornaments on. She took over the step stool and put as many ornaments on as she could. We weren't too bright though because we put bell ornaments on and now she won't leave them alone. She doesn't take them off but she walks around the tree and hits everyone that she can reach. It's cute and as long as she doesn't take them off I'm fine with it.

The big test will be when there are presents under the tree and if she'll leave them alone. She LOVES presents and thinks it's someone's birthday when she sees them. I hope she leaves them alone because I have no where to hide anymore presents.

It has been so much fun now that she is older and can help out more. I can't wait for Christmas!!

Thanksgiving

Sorry this is a little late but we hosted Thanksgiving so I was pretty busy getting everything bought and then made. It was one of the best Thanksgivings we've ever had. Asha loved the food and it was just really nice family time. Asha loves having family over and just kept going around the table saying everyone's names like wow they are all here!! It was so cute!!

Here's a few pictures from that day!!
I love this picture of Asha with her daddy. It was so nice that we got to relax more and spend some quality family time together.

I just love this little face. I think this is the picture I'm going to send out in Christmas cards.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

She Lives Her Life Upside Down!!

My girl must think she's a bat or something. She literally lives her life upside down. She hangs upside down from our bed she hangs over the back of the couch upside down and she hangs over our legs when we have them on the coffee table. She loves to be upside down and here are some pictures to prove how much. This is her new favorite thing to do!

She looks like a little bat just hanging there. I hope our counter holds up!!

Curious About Lurkers!!

Now that I have the Site Meter I've realized that more people are reading this blog than I thought because not many people post.

I would just like for any lurker to please post and let me know where your from (if you don't mind) and why you like to read Asha's blog. Also if there are any questions you may have about adoption or our adoption situation feel free to ask and I will try to answer all questions.

Thanks!!